Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Let's Play!

Today's post is brought to you by my really crappy mood.  Hang on, folks... it's rant time.

Have you ever... had one of those days where you know you got up on the right side of the bed, because your spouse was taking up his 2/3 of the bed and you couldn't possibly have gotten out on the wrong side anyway... and yet the day decides to frisk and molest you like a rogue TSA agent with a power trip and a boner?

Have you ever... watched three people walk straight by the pile of cat urp on the carpet because clearly it's invisible to every being in the house except you and the old cat, and the old cat thinks you left it there as a delectable breakfast?

Have you ever... wished you could sink through the floor when your son starts making some of his infamous noises... right behind a person who clearly has some psychological/developmental issues of their own and is also making noises... and who gives you a look that says, plain as day, 'STOP YOUR KID FROM MAKING FUN OF ME...' but you're stuck there because it's the vet's office and kind of have to pay before you can bail and you somehow know that an explanation is NOT going to make things better?

Have you ever... watched your son hop through the house like a deranged lemur, realized that no good school is gonna happen, proposed the cessation of said school, and then watched Deranged Lemur Boy go off half-cocked because OMG YOU PROPOSED SOMETHING THAT WASN'T ON THE SCHEDULE?

Have you ever... realized you should have listened to your instincts rather than picking up the other child early from school because you're sick and tired of the phone calls from the front office informing you that your child has come in (yet again) complaining of a sore throat and cough and sniffles... but when you arrive, there's no fever and she's grinning like a Cheshire cat?

Have you ever... tried to run errands with an impending migraine and two kids on a December afternoon when one of them claims to feel ill and wants to climb you like a tree and the other has the maturity and mental stability of a honey badger on PCP?

Have you ever... ordered pizza at 4 p.m. because maybe the instigation of the dinner/bedtime routine will make it all stop?

I think I quit now.  Someone tell me when it's January.


Suburban Correspondent said...

Totally with you on the 4 PM pizza, bath and bed routine! Sometimes, it's all you've got.

Anonymous said...

Hugs to you! I've had those "Please gawd let this day just END!" days. I hope they're asleep and you have some wine in your hand.

--Addlepated Monkey Mama--

Beth said...

You know what they say about them darned honey badgers.. Hang in there. I'd say it ALL gets better, but I'd be lying. But there IS always tomorrow :)

farmwifetwo said...

Dh is gone today/tomorrow. We're going to McD's around 4:30pm since I don't feel like driving in the dark... so I'm all for the bedtime routine.

I spent years bashing the clock watching/schedule loving lies the professionals told me. There were some really nasty arguments but... there are no schedules in this house and never have been.

Christy said...

Oh, I am so sorry. I am so sorry your day sucked so badly, but mostly I am so sorry that I am laughing so hard right now! Well written, my friend. :)