Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Two weeks!

The last two weeks seem to have absolutely flown by.  I never would have realized that it had been two weeks since I had last posted except that Blogger tells me when my last post was.

When I last posted, I was feeling down.  Really, really down.  Doodlebug was at Camp Quest, Boo was coming home from a sleepover so she and the other girl could have another, consecutive sleepover, and I was - and still AM - finally down to the lowest weight I have been since I was 18 years old.

The girls had their sleepover, and then on the 12th, Oz, Boo and I climbed in the car and drove up to Grand Lake for a family reunion with my dad's family.  One of my uncles has a home there and graciously hosts us all.  There's a reunion every three years, if possible, and this was The Third Year.  There's a picture of all of us floating around somewhere - all 91 of us who came (I think there were another 20 or so who couldn't make it?) - in our color-coded T-shirts.  My dad and all his siblings pick a different color for each of themselves and their families, and so at least on Saturday you know who belongs to which family group.  The rest of the time, all the newcomers wander around in a daze trying to figure out all the people and names and everything else.  But it's a fun weekend.  This year was the best-organized yet, and two of my cousins held a cook-off (jambalaya vs pastalaya) and a bunch of the guys threw money into a pot and went out clay shooting to win a new gun.  Yes, we're that family.  Beer was, I'm sure, drunk during the contest.  It flows freely throughout the weekend.  We spend time on the water - my uncle takes out the boat, and other folks are permitted to use the jet skis if they're trusted, and my husband is trusted - and the kids commandeer the game room in the basement or watch videos or run around with their cousins.

I actually didn't stay for the entire weekend.  One of my dear friends is moving to another state for her husband to finish college, and she had a combination birthday/going away party on Friday night that I swore up, down and sideways that I wouldn't miss, so I left the reunion on Friday afternoon and attended that.  Then I spent the night at home, picked up Doodlebug on Saturday, and headed back to the lake to finish off the reunion.  It was a whirlwind, but it was great.

Did I mention that by this point my depression had subsided and I was… and am… now in a much better place?  There were a few days I was concerned I was absolutely manic, because I was talking and typing and going 90 miles an hour the entire time, but even that has settled down now.  Thankfully.  Being in constant motion was almost as bad as not being able to move.

After we made it home from the reunion (and did all the laundry), last week was quiet.  Nothing to report, and I didn't even think about the fact that I hadn't looked at the blog for ages.  It seems so odd to blog on a homeschooling blog when I'm not homeschooling, and I haven't quite made the mental transition to being a public-school mom yet.  Because I'm not… yet.  Not till the middle of August.

This week is busier again, which is good.  Yesterday I caught up with some friends I hadn't seen for quite some time, and this weekend I have both another night out with different friends (we're going to one of those wine and paint places, and we're contemplating going for fondue first) as well as a book club meeting at my house.  Usually the book club is held at the club leader's house, but she's been out of town for two weeks and didn't quite feel like coming back into town and hosting an event two nights later… and I don't blame her!

So things are puttering along.  We've been to the pool once so far, with plans to go again soon, bowling once, and the kids want to go to some museums and do a couple other things before school starts in August.  Summer may have just officially begun, at least in terms of the solstice, but we're well into it and, I think, are having a good time.  I have some pictures I want to share; I'll try to remember to post more often and actually get them on here. :)

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Silence is Weird

Doodlebug is at camp this week.  Oz took him on Sunday.  Our son performed his usual good-bye ceremony, in which he said, "Bye," and walked out the door.  Oz had to remind him to come back in and give his poor long-suffering mother a hug.  He repeated the ritual when he was dropped off in the cabin.  As Oz was walking out, he heard another kid ask the counselor, "So, what video games do you play?"  And he knew, as I would have known, that Doodlebug is at camp with his tribe.  The pictures today have shown things like watching a tarantula spin a web and discussing the adaptations of fish.  Not your usual camp stuff, but perfect for Doodlebug.

Anyway, then Boo went to a friend's house last night for a sleepover.  We'd been trying to get this one planned since mid-May, so the girls were thrilled that it finally happened.  That meant that Oz and I were completely child-free for an evening, and we weren't even paying a sitter.  (OK, well, we paid for camp, but never mind that.)

So what did we do, you ask?

We went to the gym and watched at 15-year-old movie (since when was 1999 15 years ago?!?).

Adulthood is weird.

It was oddly quiet in the house this morning.  I got up and had to feed all the animals by myself (Note to self:  Let them all die natural deaths, because seriously, I'd forgotten how much work it is to feed and care for these things.  Children do have uses.), and then I got dressed and ran to the store to pick up worms for the lizard before crashing at Oz's office to watch him have a photo shoot in a suit and go out to lunch.

There was silence in the car.  When I left the house, I didn't have to yell at anyone.  When I got back home a little after 3 (I went clothes shopping because I've lost my last 10 lbs. and am now down to the weight/size I never thought I'd be again and I'm THRILLED but it means everything's just a lil' too large), it was quiet in the house.  I had to carry everything in by myself, and nobody was immediately fighting or clamoring for food or forgetting to flush the toilet.

By 4, I had two girls in the house - did I mention that the mom and I had decided to surprise the girls with a double sleepover?  They've been begging for this forever, and I can only imagine the reactions when they were told.  And so the noise level is back to normal, if someone subdued by a little bit of fatigue and the fact that the girls are friends, not siblings.

Things were too quiet there for a while.  It was nice, but it was definitely strange.  I like having my kids around.  I'm going to miss them this fall.

Monday, June 2, 2014


I realized yesterday that I hadn't posted since my ugly post about depression.  Don't get me wrong - it's still there.  But I've made it out of bed every day.  I've brushed my hair, brushed my teeth, fed myself, and kept the house in working order.  I haven't taken the kids anywhere or done anything spectacular, but I've stopped yelling as often.  I think.

I still have bad days.  Worse, I've been having bad nights.  Insomnia has taken hold.  I've spent five nights out of the last six lying in bed thoroughly exhausted and yet unable to fall asleep.  Last night was the worst.  I started drifting off about 2:30 when the thunder started rumbling in the distance.  The rain came at 3:30.  That was when I moved to the couch.  Sometime around 4:30, I think I dozed off, but I know I woke up at 5:30 because I checked my phone.  At 6:30, Oz was up because he had to leave the house early for work.  It's an ugly cycle.  Contact lenses are no longer my friend because by 2 p.m., my eyes are so itchy from fatigue that I want to peel off my corneas, let alone the lenses.  Driving probably shouldn't be on my agenda.  Thankfully it's been cloudy, so I haven't felt too sleepy behind the wheel (I'm weird… the sun knocks me out in the car far more than clouds do), but it's still a dangerous proposition.

I do have to drive, though.  As of last Saturday, I have had things on my calendar again.  Schools are out, the pools are open, and the kids have camps.  This is GOOD.  If I'm doing things, I can't dwell on the ugly and I can't become a hermit.  Having a schedule makes me more human.  On Saturday we went to a friend's house and I helped her paint her kitchen, and then Boo spent the night.  Today we visited another friend's house where I hung some shelves in her son's room, and in a little while, I'll take Boo to her first day of acting camp.  We also have an upcoming family reunion with my dad's family, and another friend is having a combination birthday/moving-away party.  So there are things to do.  

Doodlebug had his physical for his summer camp this morning.  He's 5'5" tall, which puts him at the 99.19%ile.  I find this number amusing for some reason.  The pediatrician did, too.  They have new software at her office, and she spent several minutes this morning playing with it to see what numbers she could plug in.  Doodlebug's projected adult height, based on mine and Oz's, it 6'5".  I'm pleased with that; Doodlebug was annoyed.  He wants to be taller than his father.  The pediatrician said that because he's showing early signs of puberty already, he probably won't grow too much past the curve of 'normal,' so he'll just be tall and not scary tall.  For the first time today, Doodlebug let them draw blood (for cholesterol and general screening since issues run in the family, not for anything specific) without having to be held down.  That was nice.

I'm not out of the hole yet.  I probably won't be for a while.  But things seem less dark right now.  I can keep going.  I'm still giving myself mental high fives for getting out of bed, but some days it's easier.  I hope it lasts.