Friday, September 26, 2014

Nope, Spoke Too Soon


Today had a whole lotta NOPE in it.

It started out badly.  Doodlebug (yet again) didn't want to get out of bed this morning, and even Boo was dragging.  I made it to work on time and was excited to get to sit at the front desk for my first full day up there EVER… only to discover that I had forgotten to check one of the other schedules and hadn't done one of the weekly jobs I'm supposed to do and someone else was covering my hind end, which isn't their job and makes me feel bad.

Then Oz texted me and told me that Doodlebug had waited until about the time he was supposed to be heading out the door to the bus and said, "I forgot about an assignment!  I need six pictures of momentous occasions in my life!!"  Thank goodness Oz had a few minutes to spare to help print off the photos and help the boy finish the assignment, which, by the way, will be the first, last, and ONLY time we ever save his ass in this fashion.  I've told him since the beginning of school that he needs to complete all assignments the day he gets them, if possible, but now I think he finally understands why we crazy adults say things like this.

And just when I thought the day was settling down and things might get a little bit better… the shit REALLY hit the fan.

First, Doodlebug shoved a friend in jest, and the friend didn't like it, so the friend hit him, and Doodlebug hit him back… and both boys wound up getting suspended for two days.  *sigh*

And then I got thrown into a situation at work that wasn't good to begin with but which I probably shouldn't have been handling on my first full day up front, and things just absolutely snowballed.  By the end of it, I wound up apologizing to everyone on the entire front desk team as well as a couple of nurses in the back, and at this point, while everything *seems* to be smoothed over, we'll find out on Monday whether the company president is going to lower the boom or not.  And I hate inconveniencing others and getting them to try to cover for me.  Not their job.

I am very, very glad today is over and I have a weekend in between now and Monday.  I'll be back at the front desk on Monday, which I suppose is somewhat of a testament to the fact that folks at work must have at least some faith in me (the nurse I had to apologize to is also the one who writes the schedule for me each week), and Oz is going to meet with the vice principal regarding Doodlebug to see if we can't get his punishment either lessened or rescinded altogether.

Hope you all have had a better Friday than me!

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

My Kids Are Smartybritches

My kids impress me.  They're both doing well in school.  In fact, they're doing so well that the following things have happened:

1.  Doodlebug's AR goal (the kids read books and take tests on them, which drives me batty but I did sign them up for school so I really can't gripe) will be raised for the next nine weeks.  His goal this nine weeks was something like 28 points, and he claims to currently be somewhere around 50.  So his goal next time will be higher.

2.  Boo will be IQ tested for the gifted program in the next week or two.  

3.  Doodlebug has been accepted onto the FIRST Lego League team for this school year.  One of the coaches is the school psychologist, which makes me insanely happy.  I like that guy.

4.  Boo has come home with certificates for various achievements, particularly in math for knowing her multiplication facts.

Yeah, I'm bragging a bit.  But considering how worried I was about their school performance, especially in Doodlebug's case, I think it's warranted.

I'm just pleased that they seem to be happy, making friends, and fitting in.  This has been a good move for us all.

Friday, September 19, 2014

Things I Have Learned

Occasionally people are surprised to discover my age.  The comment I hear most often is, "You look younger/that age, but you act so much older!" My current favorite is from a 22-year-old coworker who likes to tell me how 'wise' I am.

My closest friends are mostly older than I am, in two cases by more than 12 years.  I'm sure part of that is due to the fact that I married and had my children young, but I also like to think I have learned a lot out of life already.  I have also been told for many, many years that I have an "old soul."

Sometimes, though, the things I have picked up have come through hard experience… or are just plain fun.

Without further ado, I present to you a list of 10 random Friday thoughts about truths I have learned over the years.  Feel free to add your own!!

1.  Happiness cannot come from without.  You must find your own peace.

2 (aka 1a).  If you radiate happiness, it shows up as beauty.  The happiest people have the 'it' factor that makes the difference between someone plain and someone beautiful or handsome.

3.  That being said, expensive clothes and haircuts, if you can afford them, are worth every penny.  Clothes really can make the (wo)man.  They look better, fit better, and wear better.  Goodwill and consignment shops are my friends.

4.  The Joneses suck.  You aren't walking their path.  Walk your own and find others who can accept you as you are.

5.  People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  Sometimes it's hard to know who is who until you're completely suicidal and sitting on your back porch with a blade and a beer.  The people you call in those moments?  They're the lifetimers.  I'm fortunate - I have several people on that list.

6.  People (remember the Joneses?) will judge you.  Judging them back accomplishes nothing.  Laugh (to yourself) at their insecurities and move on.

7.  Accept compliments politely.  Give them regularly.

8.  You are never done learning.  Even if you don't learn something from an academic standpoint, life will teach you things.

9.  Be passionate about at least one thing.  It's worth knowing one thing well.

10.  Everyone has stories.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Learning Curve

With every change in life comes a learning curve.  Everyone in my house is experiencing one right now, including the animals (the poor guppy puppy has to stay in the garage all day, and when the kids and I get home each day the cats - and dog - swarm us like we've been gone for years).

Boo is having the easiest time of it, in terms of the human equation.  She adores school and is making some good friends.  One friend in particular she wants to invite to go roller skating one day soon.  I'm pleased.  I'm also home each day before she arrives.

Doodlebug is doing surprisingly well.  His room is a pit (and believe me, this has been a problem since he was little, but at this point, Mama is about to completely lose it… I'm going to discuss this little entitlement issue we're having in another post soon), but in school he's supposedly doing okay.  I'm hoping that he's not just blowing smoke up my hind end when he comes home each day and announces that he has very little to no homework.  I guess we'll find out when the grades come out, but while I don't expect a ton of homework, I have expected more than he has.  Fingers crossed.  He does get bored each afternoon and attributes it to being home solo for a little while, which I suspect isn't quite the case as I think he would be bored regardless of whether or not an adult was present (sometimes Oz is home, and he's still bored), and he doesn't really like being up early early early each morning, but he's doing okay.

Oz is adjusting, too.  He's been supportive and helpful, taking kids to appointments and giving me foot rubs on those first few days when walking 8-10 miles a day was particularly hard on my system (don't get me wrong… it still ain't easy, but I'm adjusting).  He hasn't yet realized that me working also means he needs to actually clean something around the house since I'm not here all day to do it, but one step at a time.  He is at least helping with dinner on occasion and will sometimes do a load of laundry if I need him to.

And then there's me.  Going back to work has been good.  The learning curve there has been far steeper than the adjustment period from a home standpoint.  I've gotten quite good already (if I do say so myself) at doing the first job they had me learn, walking patients back to rooms.  At this point the clinicians like and are familiar with me, and I'm starting to memorize the doctors' schedules.  I certainly can tell you their locations in the clinic on any given day!  I can schedule appointments with relative ease, and I'm starting to learn some of the basics.  Now I just need to get up to the front desk for a full few days in a row and really tackle the system.  It'll be tough, especially since I'll be dealing with patients who are either ready to stop standing or ready to be out of the office, but thankfully most patients are patient.  Most.  I'm sure there will always be a few who aren't.  And I'll handle that, too.  I'm definitely ready for something new and for the new to become familiar.

I think we all are.

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Giving Up and Getting Real

It's interesting to me how people sometimes seem to change when really, maybe, some things have been a fa├žade all along.

Shit's about to get real here.  Hang onto your asses. ;)


I never planned to get married.  I never planned to have kids.  Do I regret doing either one of those things?  Of course I don't.  But when I DID get married and I DID have kids, I was so young.  I was 18 (married), 20 (Doodlebug), 22 (Boo).  I had these ideals and mental pictures of what wifehood and motherhood were 'supposed' to be that I completely buried who and what I actually AM.

When Boo asked to return to public school and when I decided to send Doodlebug as well, a lot of those old feelings bubbled up to the surface, and I realized that for so very, very long, I had been wearing a mask.  Homeschooling the kids was definitely something that needed to happen, particularly for Doodlebug, but with that gone, I felt both free and trapped.

I was free to be who I was… but who was that... and could I still be that person and do what else needed to be done… i.e. could I still do what I was 'supposed' to do?

That one question, with all its multiple parts, sent me into a tailspin and, I suspect, triggered the depression that I battled for months.  It was ugly with a depth that I haven't seen since I was 14 and 15 years old.  I shared some of that battle with you all, and I'm very glad that it's over.  I'm sure it'll come back at some point, but I still have a very solid group of friends who have my back, and I'm grateful for them always.

As I began to question everything, I dug deep.  Very deep.  And I realized that in order to really be happy - truly, unmistakably HAPPY - some very big things were going to have to change.  I realized that I needed to stop apologizing for a lot of things, to begin with.  I've spent years feeling bad for being the person that I am at my core.  And guess what?  The minute I started letting SOME of my feelings out, they ALL came out.

I knew I wanted a job - I had always intended to be a career woman, and while I may not be able to accomplish the same goals that I had when I was young, I can still have a career.  I'm young enough for that.  I knew I wanted to give up some things - gardening, keeping a pristine house (that happened out of boredom before I had kids, and I won't have time to be bored now), and otherwise keeping up with the Susie Homemaker Joneses.  I'm getting rid of my canning equipment, because as much as everyone in the house loves my peach preserves and I did have fun doing it a couple of times, it's exhausting and it's the middle of summer and I like air conditioning more than slaving over a boiling pot!  If I'm still in this house next spring (long story, just go with it… I'm keeping the details out of public arenas, thanks), I intend for some of my income to pay for a lawn service, and they can take care of the garden areas.  I can apparently grow roses by sticking them into the ground and ignoring them altogether, but everything else?  Not so much.  As much as I love the idea of having a gorgeous garden with tons of healing and cooking herbs, I'll never have the enthusiasm to maintain it year-round.  I might grow some things in containers, but even that will be subject to my whims and caprices.

I digress… as I do.

I also realized that I love some things and will continue doing them… on my own terms.  I still like cooking, for example, and want to do that when I have time.  I love love love having people over and going out with my friends.  I even like going to the gym (also when I have time).  I still love reading, and I'll never give that up.

But defining who I am and what I want to do (and not do) means that everyone around me has to get used to this 'new' me… and, of course, sometimes that comes easily and sometimes it doesn't.  I know some people believe that I've lost my mind and gone absolutely crazy.  Other folks have thoroughly embraced my need to come out of my cocoon.  It's been hardest on Oz, for many reasons.

A few days ago, I finally got angry.  Oz was out of town, but he still bore the brunt of it.  I defined exactly what needed to happen over the next few months while I finish my transformation, and I informed him that if he couldn't handle it to let me know.  It might be harsh, but I feel like I've compromised for too many years, and I don't want to do that any more.

So we shall see.  The kids are still happy - I haven't changed much as far as their care and well-being are concerned - and one day at a time, I am becoming happier, too.  The final steps are within reach; we'll see what they are.  It's definitely an exciting adventure, and it's one I'm glad to finally be taking on my own behalf.  It's long, long overdue.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

The First Day

I didn't want to post anything until now.  I was so afraid I might jinx something, especially after all that has happened previously.

I started a job today.  I actually went to work and showed up and they knew I was coming and I AM EMPLOYED.

Last Friday I had two interviews.  One was for a temporary position; the other was a temp-to-hire job.  Even though I wasn't as interested in the temporary position (not only because it was only temporary but also because it was in a field I'm less interested in), I wanted to go to both of the interviews because they were just that - interviews.  A shot at a job, not a guarantee.

Both interviews went well.  They went so well, in fact, that I wound up getting offered both positions. 

Obviously I chose the temp-to-hire one, which is at a local orthopedic clinic.  So today was my first day at work... the first time I've had a full-time gig since 2002. 

I think I did okay.  I tried to pick up as much as I could, which wasn't much but hopefully will be soon, and just kept going... and going... and going.  They hadn't warned me I was going to be spending the day walking, so while I did wear flats, my back is sore now.  My feet are, too, but not as much as my back.  I'll try to take some time to crawl in the tub this evening, but barring that, I'll pop some Aleve and keep going.

It's a little weird getting back into the working world, but so far so good!