Thanksgiving and Giving Thanks

So yesterday was Thanksgiving.  The kids were out of school all week, so I asked them to clean out their closets, which was, in a twisted sort of way, meant to make them grateful for what they have.  And it worked, because they got rid of a few things, some of which had LONG overstayed their welcome, and told me that now all the stuff they have in their closets is stuff they love.  This makes me happy, and it makes them happy, and now I feel like the things I'm getting them for Christmas will have places to live.

On Wednesday Oz brought them up to see Mama at work in the office, so I took them around a little bit and then they hung out in the waiting room until it was time to go home.  (Work is good, still circus-ish, but next week we're training one more new person and then we should be actually fully staffed, and that is a wonderful feeling.  I won't be in the main office on Monday because the girl at the satellite office had a family emergency and is dealing with that, so I'm covering for her, but it should be an easy day.  I digress.)  Then Oz and I changed clothes, took the kids over to my brothers-in-law's (how on EARTH does one make that plural possessive??  Because two of them live there, and they are my brothers-in-law, but should it be brothers-in-laws'???  My brain just exploded) apartment where the kids spent the night with both of the guys as well as my mother-in-law.  It was a crowded place, but they had a great evening/night, and Oz and I went for dinner and then met up with a friend and her new hubby down at a bar where we drank beer and ate sweet potato fries and played darts until my contacts were about to either fall out or adhere themselves to my corneas from sheer fatigue.

We got home safely, took showers, and crashed, but then Oz and I both got up around 5:30 to start the meat for Thanksgiving.  He took charge of the brisket on the grill - I had put on the dry rub on Tuesday evening, so it'd been soaking up the flavor for about 36 hours - and I handled the giant leg of pork that was going in the oven.  I used this recipe, and OH MY WORD it was the bomb dot com.  We threw the meat in their respective cooking places and went back to bed for another 45-50 minutes… and then we adjusted the heat and did it again.  Around 7:30 or so we both actually decided it was time to get up for good, so Oz started the coffee and we began the process of cleaning the house for our guests while letting the parade play in the background.  For the record, I never thought I'd prefer Matt Lauer and Al Roker as hosts, but they would've been preferable to the folks on CBS.  That was painful.

By 10:30 the house was mostly ready, which was good because my mom showed up about that time and I know I wouldn't have been able to do much cleaning after that... besides anything else, my mom never arrives without looking like she's moving in, and this time was no exception.  She had a box of fabric scraps for Boo, a box of needlework books and shirts for me to browse through, as well as a pie and the non-liquored-up version of something called Apple Pie Moonshine.  We added the booze shortly after she got here, and it is just as delicious as the web site promises.  Dangerous stuff.

My kids and in-laws arrived not too long after my mother, and from there on out, it was Party Time.  There were people cooking, people talking and laughing, and just everything Thanksgiving should've been.  One thing that was different for us this year was that I had sent out an open invitation via Facebook for anyone who needed/wanted a place to come and celebrate Thanksgiving with friends, and I had a couple of folks take me up on the offer.  I was so glad they came, and I hope - I think - they had a good time.  We all stuffed ourselves to the point of pure indigestion, I do know that!!

A few people left early, but most of the family and a few friends hung around into the early evening hours.  My mom got to play with a baby, and my kids were good with the older ones, so there were no incidents that I'm aware of.  My husband and his brothers wandered down to the fire pit for a while and had some bro time, and I just enjoyed talking with everyone and catching up.  It doesn't happen often enough.

In addition to all that, I scored a beautiful ring.  When my grandmother had moved into an assisted living facility a few years ago, she had handed me the ring that had belonged to her when she married my grandfather.  The stone was amazingly beautiful, but the setting was dated and far too large for my finger.  Oz and I had briefly discussed getting the stone re-set at some point in the future, but that date had never been determined.  When he and I were struggling with our relationship issues earlier this year, I figured it would never happen.  Then he and I had our come-to-Jesus, honest-to-goodness, heart-to-heart about everything, and we turned a corner.  A month or so ago, I told him I would wear a ring again if he A) got the stone put into a ring that was MINE and mine alone and B) took me on a few successful dates and re-proposed to me.

Oz and I had discussed rings off and on since then - I'd sent him pictures I'd found on Pinterest or Etsy of custom rings that I liked, and he'd found a local jeweler who does custom work, and I'd even gone in and met the guy and had my ring size determined (5 1/4, in case you're curious, which is an odd size) - but I did NOT know that the ring design had been both finalized and finished, and I certainly did not know that Oz had picked it up.

So when he re-proposed to me in front of almost all his family and mine… well, what else could I do?

I said yes.

I'm thankful for my family (and friends!) each and every day.  They make my world wonderful.  Hope you all had a lovely Thanksgiving, if you're in the USA, and if you live elsewhere in the world, that you have a great weekend!

Purging & Productivity

I did not intend to be productive this weekend.  In fact, when I woke up on Saturday morning, it was with the intention of staying in bed for the entire day because I lacked both the motivation and the energy to move.  I had been sliding up and down (mostly down) the depression scale for more than a week, and it seemed that it had gotten the better of me again, to the point where I could no longer move.

However, spending the morning in bed may have been exactly what the doctor ordered.

I emerged about noon.  And then I got busy.  Very, very busy.  I made cinnamon rolls and fish & chips.  I made a menu for the week, devised a grocery list and went to the store with Doodlebug (and even stocked up on stuff for a few extra meals in case the weather turns sour later this week… having a few extra meals on hand is not a bad idea this time of year).  I cleaned a few things, tidied up some others, and generally put things in order.  Before the kids went to bed, we played a couple of family games of Uno, and after they went to bed, I spent quite a while discussing tattoo designs with Oz.  I hit the sack late, but it felt good.  *I* felt good.

The productivity continued today.  I had promised the kids I would spend some time with them, and despite Doodlebug's protests that he wanted to do something indoors (i.e. laser tag), I told them that this was going to be one of the last beautiful fall days and that I would only agree to an outdoor activity.  So they put on their skates, and Oz and I walked behind them as they skated down one of the trails of a major park system.  It was a beautiful 2-mile adventure.

We got home, and I tidied up some more and had the kids start cleaning out the game room.  This had needed to be done for a long, long time, but today I found the motivation to figure out what furniture needs to go where and how it all needs to work together.  They got everything cleaned out in a little more than an hour and a half, and Oz helped get rid of some extra furniture.  Then we moved the computer and desk from the guest room into the game room.  Eventually we'll move the chaise lounge and ottoman from the game room into the guest room and get a couch for the game room, but that hasn't happened yet.  I ordered a lamp for the guest room as well, and I'm going to have Oz hang a painting in there.  I need to get a new trash can for that room as well, but one thing at a time.

In the meantime, I started some Guinness beef stew for dinner (it's getting close to being done as I type this) and cleaned out the desk drawer.  I also ordered a few Christmas gifts for the munchkins and started officially planning the giant Thanksgiving that we're going to host here this year.

Next weekend I intend to clean out the attic while the kids clean out their bedrooms.  They'll hate me, but if it can get done before the holidays, I'll be a very happy camper.

I may clean out the bathroom cabinets tonight.  That needs to happen, too, and I figure I should get it done while I have the energy!

Because tomorrow, it's back to work.

Recovery and Stepping Forward

So Oz is recovering nicely.  He had some residual fever on Saturday evening, but that seems to have subsided thanks to his massive horse-pill antibiotics.  He's got some angry-looking laparoscopy wounds right now, but I think those, too, shall heal.  He's doped up on the good meds and spends a lot of time relaxing on the couch, which is exactly what he needs right now.

This week is starting out nicely.  It may be a Monday, but it sure doesn't feel like it.  I'm not sure what day it feels like.  It's that time of summer when I would have started school but… yeah, that's not happening this year.  The kids are getting bored and antsy, and we're all kind of looking forward to the first day in a few weeks.  I need to take them back-to-school shopping, but I'm delaying the inevitable.  I suspect I'll do it one day next week.

In the meantime, I got a phone call today.  I started putting in online applications for clerical and administrative assistant jobs about two weeks ago and hadn't heard anything.  It wasn't surprising given that my resume has more holes than some kinds of cheese and I haven't worked since 2010, but it was still frustrating.

Today, however, I got a phone call from a local school system.  Their building secretary had a family emergency that caused her to have to quit her job quite suddenly, and they need someone who can start quickly.  So I have an interview tomorrow for that position… and if that goes well, I'll have training on Wednesday.  So fingers crossed!  I haven't worked outside the home since before Doodlebug was born… at least, not in any capacity where I couldn't take the kids.  So this will be a change for everyone, but I'm excited about it.  I'm ready to earn money again, and even if it isn't much, it's something and it indicates a current job history.

Sunnyview School may not exist any more, but there's still plenty of learning happening around here.  I appreciate all you readers who have stuck around.  :)

Let Me Tell You About Depression

I don't like to talk about depression.  It's a selfish thing, because it calls attention to me when I'm trying to be invisible; it causes people to be curious when I wish they already knew and, at the same time, hope that they've never been through this themselves.

To those of you who have experienced depression, I'm sorry.  To those of you who have recurrent depression, I'm really sorry.  I hate when I find others who know this dark place.  Not a 'funk.' Not a 'rough patch.'  No.  Depression.  That special kind of hyperawareness of the normalcy of others that sends you into a black hole of self-loathing and self-doubt that's almost impossible to escape from.  I was teetering on the event horizon for a while, and then I fell in.

I'm writing this today to prevent myself from doing one of the following:

1.  Going back to bed and doing nothing at all until someone makes me.

2.  Hurling this computer across the room and into the wall out of sheer frustration at all the futility and nothingness, this void of life that I'm stuck in.

3.  Pulling the freshly-sharpened knife out of the block and carving lines and words into some random and usually-hidden body part.

4.  Lying on the couch motionless for the remainder of the day, except for those times when I drag myself off of it to do laundry or go to the gym or make dinner, because I have to do those things for other people or they'll notice that I'm not okay.

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It's interesting to me how depression works.  I am constantly thinking of the line from the movie "Legally Blonde," where Elle says, "Exercise gives you endorphins.  Endorphins make you happy.  Happy people just don't shoot their husbands; they just don't."  I wish that was true.  And sure, I have no intention of shooting anyone.  BUT… if endorphins were all it took to combat depression, I wouldn't be depressed right now.  I've been going to the gym 3-4 days a week, and I really do like it.  My arms have more definition than they've ever had, and I've told myself that when I can use the assisted pull-up machine with only half my weight, I'll get my next tattoo.  But endorphins alone are not enough.  Neither is vitamin D.  Or the smell of flowers.  If I'm in a funk or just hitting a rough patch, some aromatherapy or going outside or vitamins or a good movie or a great date with my husband or a good book can be enough to keep me going and pull me out of it.  This is not that.  And those normal fixes aren't enough.

----

A couple of weeks ago I spent a day almost entirely in bed.  I got up once to use the restroom and ask the kids to do a couple of things, but I didn't even bother to brush my hair or put on deodorant or change into real clothes.  It was all too much effort.  Oz and I had a long talk that evening, and he's been wonderful, but when I'm up and dressed and going about my daily business, I know he thinks that it's all over and done and that I'm back to my normal self.  And I am not.  One bad day - and it may or may not have a trigger - and I'm back down the rabbit hole, except this hole doesn't end in Wonderland, it ends somewhere much, much darker (which is saying something when you're comparing it to a world populated with the likes of the Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat), and sometimes it's only six feet deep.

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I know the 'cause' of this particular bout of depression is twofold.  One of the causes is being addressed and things are on their way to being okay.  The other cause is deeper, more existential.  I can't just 'fix' that one easily.  It's going to take a long time.  I wish I knew where the end was.  That might make it easier.  But I'm not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel today.

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I hate the way I parent when I'm depressed.  I'm grumpy because I can't parent the way I should… and can, when I'm mentally stable.  I can't take an interest in anything, even the kids.  They're being left to fend for themselves more often than they probably should, and when I do notice something, it's usually something I should have addressed earlier and now have to nip in the bud, except I don't have the energy to approach the problem properly, so I just yell and cry and then ignore the problem altogether because it's just easier.  It's the lazy way out, and I feel lazy, which doesn't help the depression, because I feel like I should just be able to snap out of it and kick this whole laziness complex and DO ALL THE THINGS.  Except I can't.

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I'm not allowing comments on this post.  I've never done that before.  But I don't want pity or sympathy or empathy.  I don't want to know who has read this and who hasn't and who has been here and who hasn't.  I just really wanted to get it all out, and for all I know, I'll have poster's remorse in about an hour or so and come and delete this whole thing altogether, because it's selfish and awful to rant about being depressed and then not let anyone 'help,' except while I love you all, it isn't really helpful to read about others who have been there or dealt with that, and it'll just make me sad to know how common depression is.  And if you can sympathize or empathize, I'm so sorry.  I really am.

Nobody should know this darkness.

So I'll just leave you with this:

I am NOT a Saleswoman

I went upstairs and started going through the school room today.  Yes, I could have waited until later in the summer to do this, but A) that room gets pretty warm in the mornings and then the whole upstairs is warm in the afternoons when it's hot in an Oklahoma summer and B) people are curriculum shopping for next year NOW, and they won't be when it's July.  So I figured I'd get 'er dun.

Anyway, so the actual purging of the shelves didn't take too long.  There was, naturally, a giant pile of books and papers that had been used or saved in the binders that were overflowing from all the work we'd finished throughout the year.  And by giant pile, this pile was - IS, because I haven't moved it yet - a foot deep in the middle and probably 3-4' in diameter.  PILE, I tell you.  It was a PILE.

Then there was the pile of things to get rid of.  I'll come back to that in a minute.

Then I went into the closet and pretended I couldn't see the fact that my children had totally trashed it and took out all the extra resources, all the curricula that I'd been saving in case I needed it for Boo, and went through that.  All the resources went onto the bookshelves where curricula had sat before, so that now we have a shelf of history materials, a shelf of literature/writing resources and math manipulatives, and a shelf of science books.  The kids already have their own dictionaries and thesauruses that sit under their desks, and there are a few books that don't fit on the shelves, so they sit next to the bookshelves… I may move those up to the top just so they aren't sitting next to the trash can where the electric pencil sharpener gets dumped, but we'll see.

Finally, I took down some of the posters from the walls, put up a few new ones, and then went through the posters to see what I wanted to keep and what I no longer wanted, and I added the latter to the pile of curricula to get rid of.

Then I made the fatal mistake of not writing it all down.  You'd think that being as pedantic as I am, I'd know to make a list.  But no.  My brain was - IS - so done that I just thought, "Oh, yeah, I'll remember."  I posted a list of all the posters on a local homeschool curriculum group and told folks they were free - I had gotten them for free and just wanted them gone, honestly - and then posted in another group that I had a bunch of stuff to get rid of.

After that, I walked out of the room.  Fatal mistake.  We ate lunch, and I sent the kids up to turn the closet back into some semblance of normalcy.  I got on the computer again to see if there had been any nibbles… and that's when the trouble started.

For the record, do not allow your children to read you the titles and information off of the sides of books.  It does not matter how literate they are, they will screw up.  And then you will pass bad information on to prospective curriculum buyers - TWICE, at least - and then you'll go upstairs to start sorting through things for yourself and realize the errors and have to go back and eat your words.  Twice, at least.

Clearly I should not be allowed to sell things when my mind is not as organized as it normally is.  This, people, THIS is why I'm normally anal retentive to an insane degree.  At this point, I *do* have a list of what I'm selling and most of the prices figured out (would've been smart to figure those out before posting, too, but again, I'm not so bright today), but I still have to keep them all straight.

Now I just hope I don't send the wrong items to the wrong people.  Can you tell I've never worked retail?

Back to it.  Let's see what I can confuse now ;)

Monday Musings

I don't usually do this, and I don't think it'll be a typical 'thing' that I do, but I read other blogs whose authors do this, and I'm rather inspired this week.  So…

Outside My Window:
It's sunny and cool today.  It was really quite warm this weekend and very windy for a cookout on Saturday night, but the weather today is more seasonally appropriate.  I'm keeping a close eye on the weather for Thanksgiving, though.  I'd love snow, but I don't want people driving in it for the holiday.  Catch-22.

In My Yard:
The trees are nearly naked.  I dug up my giant rosemary plant and tucked it into the garage before the hard freeze last weekend, and I'm glad I did.  It's actually too big for my biggest pot, but I made it fit for now.  If I can manage to make it live through the winter and can replant it in the yard next spring, I'll probably just try to cover it next winter and see what happens.

In My Home:
Thanksgiving decorations are out, and the cats are extremely hopped up on nip at the moment.  A year or so ago, when we went to Kansas City, I picked up a catnip-stuffed mouse for the cats from a store called Gatos.  The cats loved it.  One of my cats loves this mouse so much she hauls it around all the time and will sit for hours with it between her paws.  Ergo, this mouse is called "Boyfriend Mouse."  Boyfriend Mouse, however, has been looking kind of sad lately, so I got on the Interwebz and hunted down more.  This time, I ordered three.  They arrived today.  That's a lot of happy cat lolling around my living room right now.

The kids are upstairs.  Doodlebug is finishing up school, and Boo is bugging him so he can't focus.  She just requested a sinus rinse because she couldn't breathe.  How they can tolerate those things, I'll never know, but they swear they help.  The drowned-rat feeling deters me.

In My Kitchen:
Turkey pot pie is on the menu tonight.  Over the weekend the kids and I made sticky buns, and because I can't read a recipe, I made two pans instead of three… but with the same amount of dough.  Because of that, they're obscenely gooey… and I had to put some of the dough in individual pie tins just because there wasn't room.  Next time I'll know better.  Later this week I'm going to try some new recipes like beer brat chili and jalapeño cream cheese Philly cheesesteak sliders.  (If you can't see those recipes, I apologize… some of them may be exclusive to Taste of Home magazine subscribers.  I would be happy to e-mail them to you if you're interested, though!)

Crafty Stuff:
I've started a new, giant project.  It's a cross-stitch project for Doodlebug's room.  He wants to redecorate, and now that he's stopped demolishing furniture and scratching tic-tac-toe symbols into the walls, I'm considering it.  He wants a gray/black color scheme - black Ikea furniture, gray walls - and wants this to hang on his wall.  I'm taking bets on when I'll be finished with it.  I've had people suggest time frames everywhere from February (uh… no) to "about the time [Doodlebug's] finished with high school."  That's probably a closer approximation.  I've finished two colors and have started on the third… not that that means much.  I think it'll probably take me till summer to complete, depending on how often I actually sit down and work on it.

In Our Homeschool:
We're about halfway done with our school year.  We'll take next week off for Thanksgiving, and the week we come back will be our second interest week.  Boo has decided she wants to study food; Doodlebug hasn't chosen a topic yet.  We're studying worms in science this week, the New Kingdom of Egypt (i.e. King Tut) in history, and I uploaded Rosetta Stone Spanish (Latin America) onto the computer today.  That turned out to be an epic journey.  I already had Rosetta Stone German on the computer, so I just added the Spanish to it… but when I went to register the curriculum, it didn't give me the option to add the homeschool code.  It just asked me for an 'upgrade' code and then wouldn't accept the homeschool code that I had.  I wound up calling and talking to a very patient (and fairly clear-spoken) tech support guy from India.  It took him a bit before he worked out that the version of Rosetta Stone I already had on the computer (Totale, or version 4) was too advanced for the homeschool curriculum that they still sell (version 3).  So now I have two versions of Rosetta Stone.  *shrug*  Technology.  Not really my gig.

In Our Lives:
The kids are fighting now.  I swear that's all they do.  They can't even pour bowls of breakfast cereal without sniping at one another.  We're still using the respect jar - actually just went out last night for their reward for filling it - but it hasn't helped Doodlebug one bit.  One of my friends said today that her boys have been doing the same thing - sort of a male lion domination thing that her her dad calls "testosterone flashes" - and it's driving me crazy.  He has to be right EVERY time, and if he's not, he'll bully his sister or run his mouth to me and/or Oz until he gets himself in trouble.  That appointment with the counselor can't come quickly enough.  *insert virtual pause here* I just broke up the second fight between them.  Doodlebug wanted to play Monopoly and Boo agreed if she could be banker, which Doodlebug initially agreed to and then decided he thought it would be too hard for Boo.  He thought he was being nice; she was angry that he took the job away from her.  Had to side with her on this one and tell him that he needed to let her try and decide for herself whether it would be too hard or not.  She's perfectly capable of doing the math; she'll just be slower than he wants to deal with.  I'm sure that's where the rub comes in.  Ugh.  Time to bury myself in something else - cross-stitching or dinner.

How are things in your neck of the woods?

Productivity and... Wait, It's Almost October?!?

I discovered today (quite by accident, I assure you) that tomorrow is the first day of October.  I knew it was coming, because Oz and I spent the weekend watching helplessly as our hands and feet carried us around the house and yard putting up Halloween decorations, but I somehow still expected September to last another week or three.

My mantel.  Most of it, anyway.  You can't see the black roses in this shot.

I may have a serious Dept. 56 problem. 

I didn't even notice the candle had fallen until just now.
Wow, I'm observant.

Suck it, Pinterest.  My son's closet offers
better choices than your store-bought ones any day.

Still, we got a lot done this weekend.  In addition to all my decorating, Oz changed out the rocks in our front garden.  I say 'garden' - that's not entirely an accurate description unless you consider a rock garden a garden, which I guess I don't.  This unplantable space is good only when it rains, because it floods like the Flavian Amphitheatre during sea battles, which keeps the porch from flooding, and I like that, because a waterlogged porch isn't on my list of things that make me happy.  Formerly it held a bunch of red-brown lava rock and several very large pieces of sandstone.  Both Oz and I thought those didn't match the character of the house, and I can also tell you from experience that walking on lava rocks with your bare feet is a bad, bad idea.  The new rocks are much nicer on the soles.  Lava rocks also are not a very effective barrier for plants because they're lightweight and somehow maintain a lot of space in between the stones.  I had to spray for weeds, which I hate doing, about every month or so, and even then the weeds were multiplying.  Oz put down a new double layer of landscaping fabric under the new rocks, which makes me love him even more.  We'll see how this holds up.

New rocks.  Way better. 

I also hauled myself into the kitchen and made cake doughnuts and triple-chocolate cookies.  The doughnuts were for me, more or less, and I realized how dependent I've become on my cast iron pans for frying things when I decided, for some unknown reason, not to use cast iron to fry the doughnuts and the kids came down during the middle of a very frustrating fry session and hollered, "FISH STICKS!!!!"  Suffice to say the doughnuts were getting a bit burnt.  I couldn't get the oil temperature to stabilize to save my life.  Stupid electric cooktops and non-cast-iron pans... I will say this, though.  Toss burned doughnuts in cinnamon and sugar, and all is forgiven.

Please ignore the state of my sink.
We're focusing our negative energy on the pan.

Not forgotten, though.  Stupid pan.

Mmmmm taste the char.  A food blogger I am not.

The cookies were payment to Oz for all the effort he's put in around the house lately.  He's been working overtime to keep me fat 'n' happy, and he's succeeding admirably.  He's been dying for cookies for a long while, so I finally hunted down the recipe I'd saved on Pinterest and made him a gigantic batch (seriously... the recipe made 95 cookies.  NINETY-FIVE.  That number hasn't seemed so significant to me since I was in catechism class as a 6th grader and had to learn about Luther's Ninety-Five Theses in great detail).  I prized a dozen out of his clutches and took them to a friend's house because she was driving us to dinner at a restaurant downtown where we met up with two other women and scored free lemon drops courtesy of the anonymous gentleman who left before the drinks were served so we couldn't even thank him and tell him that for some of us **hackhackMEhackhack** that was the first drink they'd ever had that was sent over and purchased by someone else.  Delicious.

Triple-chocolate cookies make the Oz Cookie Monster happy.

So, anyway, tomorrow is the first day of October.  My son will turn 11 in a week and a half.  I'm really not okay with this, but apparently it's not up to me and time will march on whether I like it or not, and if you try to tell the boy that he isn't allowed to turn 11, he will laugh at you.  Don't ask how I know.  He lost his sixth (seventh?) tooth of the year yesterday, and he's got yet another tooth that's actually being absorbed (GROSS) because there's nothing to push it out and he refuses to let me pull it even though it has no root.  Soon his mouth will be full of adult teeth and adult thoughts emerging as adult words.  With teenage attitude, of course, but the seeds are planted for eventual maturity... I hope.

I simply cannot believe how quickly this year is going by.  I really do think it's time to hibernate now.  Anyone wanna join me? 

Silence Like a Cancer Grows

I'm sitting on the couch downstairs.  The only sounds I hear are the water falling from the filter in the fish tank and the slight growl of the dishwasher running through yet another cycle because dishes, like laundry, are a never-ending task.  Oh, wait, there's the air conditioner popping on.

The children are home.  They're just upstairs.

When we bought this house just over a year ago, I was thrilled that it had a game room.  The game room is upstairs with the kids' bedrooms and their bathroom, and I had visions of the kids playing happily upstairs where I could hear them but not have to feel like I needed to monitor their every movement like I did when we only had one living area and we were always, always in the same room together.  I loved the idea of breathing space.

I got my wish.  And it's bittersweet.  I love that the kids can go upstairs and disappear.  Right now Boo is in her room reading some library books, and Doodlebug is parked in front of the Wii getting his daily electronics fix.  They're content.  They're doing what they want to do.  Mostly, though, they're quiet.

The quiet is interesting.  It reminds me that the kids aren't little any more and that I don't have to worry about what they're up to every second of the day (remember when silence was evil?  It's still not entirely innocent, but it's more innocent now than when they were younger).  It reminds me that in a few years, there will be jobs and/or volunteer positions and more independent school work and that my place in their lives will diminish considerably, especially if and when there are driver's licenses and cars involved.

I feel like I'm smack-dab in the middle of an in-between phase, just like my son, who is hovering in between childhood and adolescence.  On the one hand, I'm needed.  They need me to remind them what chores to do and when and tell them when it's time for dinner and drive them to events. They want me to "Come see this!" and "Help me?" do that.  On the other hand, they don't need me as much any more.  They can figure out their likes and dislikes (though this is a major problem for Boo, and that'll need its own post soon) and what they do and don't want to do each day without any help from me.  They can clean their own rooms (heck, they can clean the whole house if necessary) and fix breakfasts and lunches and make sure they have all their gear for swim/violin/yoga before we leave.

They aren't old enough to be left home alone for any length of time - sometime in the next year, I'll probably start running short errands, but I want to make sure they're both old enough and mature enough for that before I take off - but at the same time, I don't often see them unless they either want food or have a project they need help with or are arguing and want my intercession.

And so I sit.  I wait until I'm wanted or needed.  I don't like that.  Raising my kids 'right' is an admirable goal, but I wish I had another purpose.  There's only so much sitting around reading library books one mom can do before she loses her mind.  Same goes for baking.  I can't do that all day, every day.  I need to be accessible, but I want to be busy to some purpose.  It's an interesting dichotomy, and I'm not sure how to fill both my needs and the needs of my kids at the same time.

When we're doing school, it's not so bad.  I think this week off is affecting me.  Still, there will be plenty more weeks off in the days to come, and we still have the afternoons to consider.  Thoughts?

Inspiration in Adulthood is NOT the Same as That of Childhood

Yesterday I found inspiration in the Facebook status update of a friend.  It read, in part, "Just purged the upstairs playroom, craft room, and the girls bathroom.  I threw away a whole bag of junk."

It occurred to me as I read this that I'd been unhappy with my upstairs closets since we moved in.  I had instantly unpacked the visible stuff, of course, and the general contents of the closets were acceptable, but when it had come to actually unpacking and arranging everything that was tucked away out of sight, that process... had never happened.  It had fallen by the wayside.  In the back of my mind (and in the forefront of my mind every time I opened the closet doors), I knew there were candles I'd never burn again, decorations the kids no longer wanted, pictures that will never be hung on the walls of this house, and just a bunch of stuff that, in general, doesn't need to be here.  The kids' game room closet was in similar shape.

I don't have any 'before' pictures because, really, I don't know anyone who takes pictures of their closets (except that I really do intend to take pictures of the contents of everything in the house one day, just in case, for insurance purposes, because I'm actually paranoid like that), but I do have a couple of 'after' images.

The carnage of empty boxes, trash box, and giveaway/sale items 

All purdy.  It won't stay like that, but for now, all purdy

The kids are working hard on the game room closet.  It's in even more appalling shape than my closets because A) they're kids and B) I told them that as long as the door closed and things were relatively tidy, I wouldn't gripe at them.  But they're making progress.  They're discovering playing cards that they thought were long gone, puzzle pieces they thought they'd never see again, and various unidentifiable items that I'm just not even asking about.  Ostrich Syndrome.  Part of me wants to sneak up and take a picture of them working, but I'm finally ensconced on my couch with a sense of accomplishment and a stomach full of FreeBird and have no desire to move.

All I know is that we're going to make a massive donation to Goodwill soon.  It feels so good to get everything cleaned out and rearranged into 'final' places.  I did the same to a couple of kitchen drawers a couple of weeks ago and that felt good, too.  I never, ever would have felt this way when I was a kid (I'm sure my kids are mentally cursing my name upstairs), but sometimes being an adult means taking pleasure in the little things.  Like clean closets.

Craftiness

I am not a crafty person.  Even when I look at most things on Pinterest, I think to myself, "But WHY would you want to do that when you can just... not?"  However, I've been in a serious funk lately (I know this because I've been buying shoes and haven't been cleaning the house.  These are not normal Sarah things.  Personality changes indicate a problem.  I know that because I watch 'Perception' on TV and it says so).  Suddenly the idea of sprucing up M2's bedroom walls became a manageable one.  I poked around on Pinterest a bit and found two ideas - making a letter chain of M2's name and making fabric-covered cork pinboards.  Feel free to click on the links and follow them through to their more thorough directions, but I'll give you a brief, simple overview of each project here.

The first project we did was the letter one.

We started with supplies, of course:  wooden letters, scrapbooking paper, ribbon, Mod Podge, a foam paintbrush, and a craft knife and self-healing cutting board (I like the 'self-healing' part.  It amuses me).  Oh, and M2 also found some cute flowers that she wanted to add to each letter.

I traced around the edge of each letter (oh, before I go any further, notice the hole in the M?  I had Oz drill a little 1/4" hole that so that I could tie the letters together with ribbon more easily.  Didn't have to do it on every letter, just the ones that didn't have good ways to tie them) and left some extra room around the edge for cutting error.  I did NOT left wiggle room the first time and, well, let's just say it was a good thing the paper was more than twice the size of the letter.

Trial and error are excellent teachers.  But I got the hang of it.  M2 hung around and directed me regarding which letter went on which paper as well as where on the paper she wanted it to go.

She also wanted to do some of the work, so I set her up with the Mod Podge.

She glued the paper onto each letter...

... and once they were dry, she gave each letter another topcoat so it would be a bit glossy.  We let them dry, glued on the flowers, and I tied them with the ribbon.

She and I both thought they came out beautifully!

Our second project was the fabric-covered pinboards.

I let her paint the hoops with tempera paint - any color she wanted.  She has one pink hoop, one lilac one, and one... well, you can see it in the middle there.  It's multi-colored and very, very M2.

Next I traced the inside of the hoops and cut out the circles with my handy-dandy craft knife.  I did the same with the cork liner I'd bought then peeled the sticky back off of the cork and stuck the two circles together.

Then I shoved it all into the hoop.  Voila!  After that it was only a matter of covering them with the fabric that M2 had selected, putting on the outer hoop, stretching the fabric, and tacking it to the back.

M2 is delighted that her walls now have more decorations on them.  We popped into Mardel this afternoon and picked up some big metallic push pins so she can already put her boards to use.  The girl is one happy little being.  Even she said so... specifically, she said, "Mom, I feel so spoiled!"

It's a good thing, because I think I hit my crafting limit for the year.

More Baking Therapy! (Recipe Included)

Breakfast is one of those meals that I don't fix.  Well, I do fix it, but not at the normal breakfast time of day.  I'm not sure who decided breakfast should be in the morning, anyway, because I'm fully on board with the idea of eating breakfast foods 24/7.

I digress already.  This is going to be one of those posts where I do that, I think.  

My kids eat breakfast daily.  They wake up starving, especially M1, and there are enough studies out there that point to all the good things that breakfast does that I hope their breakfast habit lasts throughout their lifetimes.  But if I want them to eat breakfast, I have to make sure we have it around... right?

I used to buy a lot of breakfasts - Pop-Tarts, boxes of cereal, frozen French toast sticks (OK, those still happen sometimes), granola bars.  But these days I try to make most of the kids' breakfasts, particularly because M1's breakfast consumption has risen in proportion to his height.  I was making regular waffles, but he was eating 2-3 at a time, and a batch of waffles was only lasting a few days.  I felt like I was spending all my time trying to keep up with the eating and making massive quantities of food for no good reason.

The saving grace actually came from my grandmother.  When she moved into her retirement home last fall, she gave some of her foodstuffs to my mom, sister, and me.  The thing that's relevant to this post?  I got the buckwheat flour, and with that, I got her handwritten buckwheat pancake recipe.

That recipe makes for the heartiest pancakes/waffles I have ever tasted in my life.  Seriously.  Look how thick this batter is!

Viscosity - this has it.

Remember this photo.  You'll need to reference it later.  I'm pretty sure my grandmother developed this recipe to feed hungry husbands and farmhands who were heading out to or coming in from the fields.  At least, that's what I like to think.

The waffle maker is older than my kids... don't judge ;)

Did I mention there's no sugar in these except for honey?  And they're delicious?  And they're so hearty that my son can eat ONE and be stuffed till lunch?  M2 can cut one in half and be full.  *angels sing*

If you pin this, let me know!  I love finding my stuff on Pinterest!

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Hearty Buckwheat Pancakes (or waffles!)

1 1/2 c. buckwheat flour
1 1/2 c. whole wheat flour
1 T. baking powder
2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
--
2 T. honey
4 large eggs
1/4 c. oil
Milk, buttermilk, or combination (1 1/2 to 2 1/2 c.)

Sift together dry ingredients.  Stir the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients.  Mix only enough to combine them.  The batter should be thick and somewhat lumpy.  Coat a griddle with cooking spray and preheat over medium heat.  Use 1/4 c. batter for each pancake.  Flip cake when brown and keep warm in a 200-degree oven.  Serve with blueberries and maple syrup.

Blogger's notes:  I love the blueberry bit.  Cracks me up.  If I'm just using milk, I only need 1 1/2 to 2 c. total; if I use some buttermilk, I have to add a bit more to get the right consistency.  Also, these will soak up syrup like nobody's business!  I get ~14 waffles out of this, but your mileage may vary depending on the size of your waffle maker and the thickness of your batter.

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Enjoy!

Kitchen Therapy

This has been a long, exhausting week.  M1 still has his head firmly lodged in either electronics or his posterior, Oz feels like a life-sucking parasite has taken residence inside his head, and two of the cats decided within the last 10 minutes that they needed to demonstrate their hairball-hacking skills.

All of this means that I either resort to drinking or find solace elsewhere.

This is not to say that there isn't an open bottle of wine in my fridge.  There is.  Ohhhh, there is.  But I also bought two bags of flour and sought refuge in my kitchen... baking.

I totally plagiarized PW's picture for this shot

It started with the tortillas a few days ago.  Now, the recipe that I used (see either link) suggests using just plain white flour, but this fairly green girl likes things a bit healthier.  Yeah, OK, so substituting half whole-wheat flour really doesn't offset the lard by much, but it makes me feel better.  And that's the whole point of this exercise, anyway.

Then yesterday I made egg noodles.  I don't have any pictures of them because A) they were instantly cooked and devoured as part of the chicken cacciatore we had for dinner last night, and B) they weren't all that good.  They were a bit tough and chewy.  It's been a long time since I've made egg noodles, and I wasn't impressed with the recipe I used.  I need to poke around Pinterest for a while and find myself a new recipe to try.

Today, I got back in the kitchen again:

Burger buns the size of Oz's hand 

Hoagie buns... they're so, so soft...

These are actually the same recipe.  I have absolutely no idea if they'll be any good, but they look and smell amazing.  I've had to shoo cats away from them several times.  They're incredibly easy to make, too.  If you read the comments, it suggests only making 8 buns out of the recipe and letting them rise for 30 minutes instead of the recipe's recommended 10.  If you make 8 buns, though, and you're in a nice, warm, humid, southern-USA-in-summer-like environment, watch out!  They'll be huge.  Eight is a perfect number for hoagies, but I'd go for the full dozen burger buns.  Or let them rise for less time.  Unless, of course, you like burger buns roughly the size of your giant spouse's hand.  That's a bit much for me.

Is this all the baking I'm going to do this week, you ask?  Oh, no.  No, no, no.  I already have plans to make homemade ravioli this weekend.

Baking therapy.  It's the only way to preserve sanity, I tell ya.

That and Pinterest.  And wine.  Together, they're a lethal combo for my waistline.  I hope the scales survive.

P.S.  Share a link to your Pinterest!  I always love finding and stalking following new people!

It's Amazing What Paint Can Do

M1 is at away camp this week.  I dropped him off yesterday and won't see him again till Saturday.  It is a weird feeling.  M2 has day camp this week as well.  It's five hours a day, and it's five minutes away from my house.

Hear the angels singing?  I do.

When we moved in last year, we liked the color of most of the rooms in our house.  The one room that really stuck out to me (well, other than the master suite) as needing a good paint job was the school room.  Today, I painted it.

Before

After

Before

After

One more 'after' for good measure

As Oz said this evening, "It's a much more cheerful room."  It still needs new curtains, but I'm ready to see M1's reaction... and get back in there and TEACH!

A Rainy Saturday

Now that it's gotten cold, it's kind of fun to look back at the weather even a few weeks ago and see how much of a difference, oh, 20 or 25 degrees can make.

Rain also makes a difference.  A few weeks back we had a warm, rainy Saturday.  It was one of those lazy days where we *could* have gone places, but it was rainy and nobody really wanted to get out in it and walk around, so we stayed home.

I turned on some jazz music through Pandora...

... and the kids painted their sculptures that they'd made.

Oz took a short nap on the floor in front of the couch...

... and after he got done painting, M1 climbed up on the other couch and imitated him quite successfully.

M2 and I had more energy than the boys.  After she finished painting, she grabbed an umbrella and went puddle-ducking in the back yard.  The bottoms of her pants were soaked, but she had a blast.

Mama stayed in the house and did the weekend cooking.  Applesauce was the first order of business...

... and while that was cooking down, I made some cream of mushroom soup to use in a casserole later in the week.  I was surprised to learn how easy it was to make cream of X soups; Pinterest is my friend!

I also made another Pinterest recipe that was amazingly delicious.  These little rolls have half a frozen (well, thawed, but formerly frozen) meatball inside along with a small piece of string cheese.  The rolls themselves are canned buttermilk biscuits that I divided in half and wrapped around the meatball and cheese bits.  Bake and serve with marinara sauce.  YUM.  The bowl in the back is tortilla dough.

Even though it's only been chilly for a couple of days, it seems like summer is definitely over.  That's all right, though.  I'm quite ready for fall.  Bring on the apple cider!

What do you do on a rainy Saturday?

This is a question that we in the drought-stricken state of Oklahoma haven't gotten to ask in a VERY long time. I'm sure most of you, location aside, can sympathize.  However, after being awakened by a storm (and a girl talking in her sleep) at 1:36 a.m. and then watching more rain roll in this morning, I was thrilled to tell my kids that we were going to have a home day... and that we were NOT going to sit around and watch TV or play on the Wii or get on the computer or open the DS or veg out in any way, shape, or form.

Not today, baby.

I informed my children that today was a baking day.

It's a testament to my children that they were excited about this.  They were both thrilled to get to help in the kitchen.

The first thing we made were homemade Pop-Tarts.  I whipped up some pie crust and asked the kids what they wanted to have as filling, fully expecting that they would say strawberry.  Surprise, surprise, they are contrary creatures and asked for brown sugar and cinnamon instead.

The next thing we did was make some granola.  I had found a recipe, but it called for toasted coconut and dates; M2 is fond of neither.  So I told them they could each have their own batch.  M1 used the recipe in its original form, which also called for dried apricots and craisins:

and M2 nixed the coconut and dates and went for raisins, chocolate chips, and a dash of cinnamon.  I ran out of honey for her batch and wound up using golden syrup instead, but I think it turned out just as nicely:

After this baked, the kitchen smelled heavenly.  While the granola pans were in the oven, M1 turned to me.  "Mom, we have phyllo dough in the freezer.  Would those make good toaster strudels?"

I wasn't sure.  I'm still not entirely convinced, because obviously these are better suited to puff pastry rather than phyllo, but I did my best.  Here is the result, with the strawberry jam filling that I'd expected them to request earlier:

Now that all is said and done, our pantry is full of breakfast choices.  I don't expect to hear any whining about not having anything to eat for quite some time.

Still, there is one down side to all this...

Anyone wanna come do dishes?  Oh, no, wait... that's what I have kids for.

Settling In

We got the moving done today.  I'm eternally grateful to my husband, dad, and brothers-in-law who spent the day lifting, hauling, and working in the 100-plus-degree heat to help us move.  Thanks to them, my previously empty house now looks like this (minus photos of M1's room... when I entered, I was told, "MOM, no pictures until my room is totally done and looks good!  Get out!"  I couldn't help but chuckle and accede to his request):

M2's room

The other half of M2's room

Casual dining

Formal dining

Half bath - my sister made that drawing years ago... we finally have a place to hang it!

The kitchen

Living room - the TV is on the entertainment unit now,
and Oz is going to hook up the surround sound sometime soon

Master bedroom

Also master bedroom

Oz's office

School room

Other side of the school room

It's been a long, long week, but it's finally over.  The kids are asleep in their new rooms.  Oz is thrilled to have his ottoman back.  I took a lovely soak in the whirlpool tub, and the cats are still prowling around, figuring the place out.  The dog?  Well, he's sacked out on the floor near the end of the couch.  We're definitely settling in.