I am coming out of my uber-funk. I would like to extend a truly heartfelt THANK YOU! to all of you folks who reached out and helped me through the darkness of the past few days. It really, really meant a lot.
Now that I have hit bottom, I'm coming back up and see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am making a plan for M1. We talked this morning. He said that he is having a hard time sleeping at night, so we're going to work on his melatonin. I had been slacking off with it lately, so I have to try to fix MY oversight before worrying about his. We may wind up back on medication; we may not. We shall see, but at least now I have a plan. This is good. As for M2, I'm going to keep a close eye on her. She bawled for 20 minutes yesterday (would have been longer except we had to go into her violin lesson, and so she stopped) because she's convinced her entire class hates her. They love her. I've watched them around her, and they truly adore her. She just can't see it right now. So my job is to try to build her up so her depression doesn't eat her alive. Nobody should be eaten alive at the age of 5.9. Again, we may end up on medication; we may not. But there is a plan.
I also am going into all this with a positive attitude, a 'can-do' attitude. I am the Little Engine That Could. One of my friends posted a status message on Facebook this morning: "Today, I'm trying out the Law of Attraction and purposely not focusing on anything negative in my life. The theory is, by focusing on only positive things, you bring more positivity into your life. I'm also joyfully thinking of what I DO WANT, instead of what I do not want." I think this post is amazing and wonderful, and I hope to join her in her endeavor. She's really cool to begin with, but it's easy to get bogged down in details and drama. Guilty as charged right here. Sentencing: Positive thinking for 21 days. My mother always told me, "Twenty-one days to break a habit; 21 days to make a habit." Here's to three GOOD weeks.
Now, to begin. Without further ado, I present to you a POSITIVE story from my week:
M1 fixed dinner on Sunday night. Really, he started the process on Wednesday. I had been puttering around the house doing chores and getting ready to go run errands when I noticed that he had disappeared from the living room. I heard bangs in the kitchen. I worry whenever I hear bangs in the kitchen, so I hollered across the house to ask him what he was doing.
"Picking out recipes."
I wandered in, and sure enough, he had several of his cookbooks strewn across the floor and counter.
"I think this," he said, pointing to a recipe that said "BBQ Burgers." Oddest BBQ burger recipe I'd ever seen since it called for chicken gumbo soup and no BBQ sauce whatsoever, but I didn't say a word.
"And a tossed green salad," he continued, flipping pages, "and fries. And tapioca pudding for dessert."
Had to say something there. Not a tapioca fan. He nodded, accepted the input calmly, and flipped to a baked apple recipe instead. "This?"
He got out a piece of paper and went through the ingredient list for every recipe. He asked me about ingredients if he didn't know whether we had them or not, and he created his own shopping list. When we went to the store, I put him in charge of his own shopping, and he didn't forget a single thing.
On Sunday, he was so excited that when I called him into the house about 2 p.m. to make the salad (so he didn't have to do everything at once), he wanted to make the whole dinner then and there. We settled for making the salad and prepping the apples. He was so cute making the salad: He made it according to the recipe, looked at it, and announced, "This needs more lettuce." My boy is already learning to improvise. Proud mama moment.
When dinnertime came, he asked for some help from Oz with putting things in and out of the oven, but he largely did fix the meal himself. I avoided the kitchen so I wouldn't interfere, so I don't have pictures, but the sounds were calm, not chaotic.
The 'burgers' were good. We discussed the recipe and decided they needed some added spice next time, and M1 took the constructive criticism as it was given and made notes on his recipe. The salad was delicious. Oz hates red apples but ate his baked apple dutifully and was relieved to hear that the kids didn't care for the recipe, either, though he didn't say as much to them. M1 put a big "NO" next to that recipe. It was a wonderful meal.
Positive experiences. Good times. These are my goals for the days ahead. I want more of THESE stories. I can do it!