Sunday, September 30, 2012

The World's Laziest Corgi

We have a Corgi.  His name?  Speed Bump.

There's a reason for this.

Speed Bump is the world's laziest Corgi.  Part of the reason for this is that when we got him, he weighed between 70 and 80 pounds, so his joints are somewhat older than the rest of him.  However, he's still a Very. Lazy. Dog.

Wut?
 In fact, let me prove to you how lazy he is. An anecdote: I've seen him sit up on his hind legs precisely twice. I've *never* seen him jump. The first time he sat up - and the only time he's sat up on his hind legs without supporting his front legs - was when I offered him a bit of fat from a steak.  I've since offered him bits of fat, and he will not repeat the trick.  Thus, he doesn't get the treat.  Since his entire motivation for living is to eat, this is interesting to me.  The other time he sat up, he was straining to get at our baby chicks.  He didn't repeat that trick, either.

Anyway, since he won't repeat the sit-up-for-food thing, and since we've moved into a house with a staircase that he won't even attempt to climb, I was curious to see if I could motivate him with a little treat.

Cheezy poofs... OK, OK, cheese balls from Sam's Club
I set some cheese balls on our stairs.  I walked around the back of our couch and sat down.  The dog stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked up.  Then he walked around the couch and stared at me as only a dog can.  You can almost hear them think when they do that.

"Mom?  Mom?"

"Yeah, Bumpa?" (I call him all sorts of things.)

"There's... there's food on the stairs.  And... and... and I should get to eat it.  Because otherwise the cats will eat it, and if they eat it, they'll urp.  And you don't like it when I try to eat the cat urp."

"Bump, darling, if you want the cheese balls, go get them yourself."

Finally, he huffed a big doggie sigh and went to make sure that the cats hadn't yet eaten the snacks.  They hadn't.  So he came back to where I was sitting.  It took me a while to realize that there was no way he was even going to think about trying to climb the stairs if I was in the room.  So I went to my room and shut the door... except for a tiny, tiny crack.

And I brought my camera.


First, he lay on the floor like the lump that he normally is.  When I wasn't holding the camera up, he couldn't see me, so he'd act normal.  He came to the bedroom door and tried to nose it open.  That didn't work, so he went and sat in front of the staircase.  He'd look at the bedroom door, then look at the treats.  Door.  Treats.

Door.

Treats.

Until finally....


AHA!  He ate one treat.  I closed the door quickly after I snapped this shot, counted to 10, and quietly opened it again.  Bump's front paws were still on the bottom step, and he was staring at the other treats, presumably trying to use his massive brain skills to make the other cheese balls move in his direction.  It didn't work, so he wandered over to the carpet and went to sleep.

He walked away from cheese balls.  I've seen him climb stairs, because he had to do it at the old house to get in the back door.  But no... not here.  World's Laziest Corgi.

2 comments:

Wendy L. Callahan said...

Thank you so much for the laugh! Oh my gosh, Speed Bump is too funny.

You aren't the only one who has nicknames for your pets and talks to them out loud. I have conversations with my pets all the time too. :)

Beth said...

AHHHAHHAHAHHHAHHA Ok that dog.. would rather a lazy dog than Killer, the Crazy Beagle though! :)