What Nobody Tells You About Beardies

So we have a bearded dragon now.  He's about six months old - born in April, according to the breeder we got him from - which makes him a juvenile. (There are four stages of bearded dragon development - babies are 0-6 mos. old, juveniles are 6-12 mos. old, subadults are 12-18 mos. old, and adults are anything older than that.)  He's about 8-10" long, so he's about an average-sized lizard.  His name is Tom.

Tom is an adventure.

When researching bearded dragons, there are tons of web sites and books on the topic.  They all say approximately the same things.  They have lots of things in common, but the thing that stands out the most is that they are all written by beardie veterans.  They do not tell you what actually caring for a beardie is like, if you've never owned one before.  This will be that post.  Consider it my PSA for the month.

First, you do your research and you try to figure out what you need, but the sources all conflict on that and so you wind up at the pet store buying The Kit.  The Kit comes with a tank, a heat lamp, a UVB bulb, a mesh cover, a food bowl, food (pellets and mealworms and papaya), water conditioner, calcisand (which is calcium carbonate... more on that later), etc., etc., etc.  You sigh and think, "Oh, good, that's everything."  

Except... no.  Then you go find a Reputable Breeder.  We went to a local reptile show to pick out our baby, and the lady there was really, really helpful.  Very informative.  And also very frustrating because she promptly picked apart the kit we'd bought and told us what would and would not work with Doodlebug's new pet.

The mesh lid?  No good.  Because it blocks the UVB rays from reaching the lizard.  (Plus our giant cat that we've lovingly nicknamed Fatty Boomsticks had already jumped on the mesh lid and squashed it, and even though we put it back together... well, those things are never quite the same afterward.)  Oh, and you have to make sure to change out the bulb every six months because the amount of UVB emitted will diminish over time.  The thermometer/hygrometer?  Probably good initially but won't be entirely accurate.  Get a temperature gun for better accuracy.  The calcisand?  Throw it out.  Paper towels work.  I've read since that outdoor carpet is fine.  Our breeder uses - and now WE use - slate landscaping tiles, because #1: you don't have to replace them like you have to replace sand; #2: you don't have to worry about the lizard eating it and getting it impacted in its intestines; and #3:  it keeps the lizard's nails from growing too long.  

I had not even THOUGHT about trimming lizard nails until that precise moment.  I can assure you it wouldn't have happened.  Ever.

Right.  So we take the baby - Tom, now - and a care sheet and a bunch of tiles home, fix up the cage, add the lizard.  Then comes the question of feeding it.  I picked up some turnip greens while I was at the grocery store on the same day we got Tom, and he ate those.  He ate some of the papaya.  What he wasn't eating was the mealworms or the pellets that came with The Kit.

Turns out if you buy from a Reputable Breeder (and I do recommend doing that, by the way... her babies were gorgeous, and we got to pick a really cute one... if lizards can be cute), they like live food.

Right.

Back to the store.

Buy some live superworms and crickets.  Oh, and you have to make sure that the crickets are the right size, because apparently you're supposed to have used calipers and measured the space between the lizard's eyes so you don't get crickets that are too big for your new lizard to eat.  The helpful girl at the pet store will also happily inform you that superworms can eat your lizard from the inside out if they're swallowed whole.  The internet will thankfully dispel that as myth.  What nobody mentions is that after you dust mealworms with calcium - because you have to do that once a day and dust the food with vitamins a couple times a week - and add them to the food bowl, they don't exactly stay put.

Escaping food

Now, if the lizard is hungry, this isn't a problem because he'll chase them down and nom them before they get away.  If your lizard has tanked up on other bugs, though, or greens, or simply isn't hungry, you're left to chase down the rest of dinner before the buggers slip into the cracks and crevices between the tiles and get stuck.  This is why, starting this evening, Tom will be eating dinner and breakfast in a separate container.  Doodlebug and I are tired of chasing down leftovers.

Something nobody else mentions in the care-of-reptilian-creatures pages is that you have to clean poo.  I mean, duh, right?  But apparently if your lizard doesn't poo every day, it's a sign of impaction.  And you know what happens if your lizard gorges itself on too many crickets and/or superworms and gets impacted?  It can die.  And ain't nobody got time for a dead lizard.  To clear an impaction, you fill the sink or a tub with warm, 100-ish degree water, and you let the lizard soak.  And while it's soaking, you have to massage its stomach.  Because the impaction will make itself felt on the left side of the abdomen.  And then your lizard will take a giant crap and feel better.  Please don't ask how I know.

At that point, you clean up the poo before the lizard tracks it all over the cage, and regardless of how quick you are on the poo-cleaning draw, you still have to wipe the cage down with a diluted bleach solution every week or so.

Speaking of water, lizards are also picky drinkers.  Tom seems to be especially picky.  He will not drink from his water bowl.  He will not drink if water is dripped onto his snout during his daily misting.  He likes his baths.  Specifically, he likes to drink from his baths.  But because lizards need water just like the rest of us, he will apparently need a bath... every day.

I swear he's mocking me and all the care I'm putting into
making sure he doesn't bite the big one.

I'm sure that Doodlebug and the rest of us - Tom included - will settle into a routine soon, and then feeding and bathing and cleaning and all of that will become habit.  Right now, though, we're smack dab in the middle of the learning curve.  I just hope there aren't any casualties.

Optimism - When NOT to Share

The boy has been on the lookout for the tiniest signs of puberty ever since he started reading about adolescent 'symptoms' in various books about the topic.  It's like he can't wait to grow up and get out of here or something.  (The girl, however, will live here as long as someone will subsidize her decor and clothing accessory habits.  I have a surprise for her... all subsidies end at the age of 18 unless the child in question is enrolled full-time at a college/university.)

Occasionally the boy will be peering at himself in the mirror, as he does for long periods when he's supposed to be showering, and he'll think that he sees something.  At this point, even though this is supposedly what he's looking for, he freaks.  And then he gets giddy.  And then he gets embarrassed.  And then he feels the sudden urge to run downstairs in his underwear and share whatever revelation he's just had.

A few weeks ago I was asked to inspect his upper lip for signs of facial hair.  Well, of course, there's vellus hair.  Which he had just apparently noticed.  And which he was mistaking for an actual mustache.  No, son, I will not buy you a razor for something that *I* have and don't even shave off.  It's the same color as your face.  When it starts looking like you have a porcupine growing out of your upper lip and I'm freaking out and crying because OMG MY BABY IS GROWING UP, that is the appropriate time to think you are capable of growing a mustache.

Once or twice, his throat has been itchy from either allergies or being rudely awakened from one of his infamous midafternoon naps, and he's asked me if that means his voice is cracking. D'awww... no, son, sorry, it doesn't.

And once, he came downstairs and wanted to know if all that 'other hair' would match the hair on his head.  And I said not necessarily.  And then he said, "Well, what if you have really bright hair?  Like... red hair?"  And I said I had no idea because quite frankly, I'd never asked anyone.  Ever.  Nor did I intend to.  And please walk away now.  Thankfully he dropped the subject.

I don't even want to imagine what symptom of adolescence he's going to invent next.  I just want to take his face in my hands and look him straight in the eye (well, as straight as he'll look at anyone in the eye.  You have about 0.2 seconds to get your message in before he's elsewhere) and say, "Y'know what?  Make ya a deal.  You quit telling me about imaginary pubertal symptoms, and I'll let you know when I notice something."  Because I love that he's excited about getting bigger, and part of me is really, really glad that he comes to me with these sorts of things because it means he trusts me with his body and its issues, but sometimes... sometimes Mama just doesn't wanna know!

Hoodies FTW

Oz designated this week "Hoodie Week" for me in our house.  It's probably a good thing, because while wearing hoodies may make you a target for law enforcement (the Unibomber, Trayvon, take your pick... the two are in no way linked in my mind except for hoodies), they also make me feel cozy, and when I feel cozy I'm less likely to lose my shit at/dismantle the 11-year-old who thinks the hour of school between 8:30 and 9:30 is a warm-up hour in which he's supposed to roll around on the floor and annoy everyone.  The gray weather, a giant mug of coffee, Sinatra playing in the background... these are also things that make me feel sane.  It's the little things, folks.

Anyway, hoodies.

It started innocently enough.  Last year I complained that I didn't have any hoodies, and Oz bought me a San Francisco 49ers hoodie because my love for that team predates my love for my husband, and what kind of husband is a Bears fan, anyway?!?  He didn't even like football when I met him.  Traitor.

He also got me an Eskimo Joe's hoodie because my love of their food also predates my husband.

But it wasn't enough.  And when I was feeling down in a funk a few weeks ago, I felt it.  The Urge to Buy Hoodies.  It spoke to me through the medium of the Interwebz, and it said, "Buy the hoodies..."

And so I did.

I started at SnorgTees, who are not paying me to write any of this but if they wanted to send me free stuff, I certainly wouldn't object.  And I found these:

I found lots more than that, but at the time, I felt like I should stick to some sort of budget.  So I ordered two.  Then I went to Facebook and let the enablers there tell me that there's no such thing as too many hoodies.  Who am I to argue with the masses?  So I went to NoiseBot (who are also not paying me, but since I bought even more from them, should send me a thank-you note or something) and found three more designs that screamed BUY ME.  I'd show you what they were, but NoiseBot doesn't have happy little images that I can paste, sooo... sorry about that. 

Between all those hoodies, I now have enough hoodies to get me through an entire week.  Theoretically this should be enough cozy to keep me from losing my mind.  Bring it, Winter!

Now We Are 11 - A Photo Post

Silly String fight - a new tradition begins 

MUST you take my picture, Mother? 

The cake was a bit dense... 

Gifts from a loving sister 

The baby beardie, Tom

Homemade History, Week 11

Trying this a different way this week... lemme know your thoughts.

Topic:  Bronze Age Europe

Reading Options:  Usborne World History Encyclopedia pp. 120-123, Kingfisher Book of the Ancient World pp. 102-107, Kingfisher History Encyclopedia pp. 12-13

Hands-On Learning Options:  Map of Ancient Europe from Map Trek, Stonehenge mystery pages from, research European mythology (Celtic, Norse, Saxon, Slavic, etc.)

Definitions/Critical Thinking Questions:  Neolithic, brooch, palisade, bronze/Why do you think Stonehenge was built?  Do you think it should be preserved?

Electronic Learning Options:  BBC for Kids Anglo-Saxons page, Celtic Europe video, for instance.  There are also lots of hour-long documentaries including this one about the facts behind the fiction of Lord of the Rings.  This is one of my favorite parts of history, so I could go on for days.  I'll stop here.

Next week:  Egypt - The Middle Kingdom, mythology

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Still no luck in finding a counselor.  I have had ONE person give me a name of one they trust that's on our insurance.  ONE.  And at least a dozen suggestions of folks who aren't on our insurance.  And the problem with that is that I don't trust the judgement of the person who DID me a workable name!  The frustration is nearly unspeakable.  However, the boy has been putting forth some effort, and I'm quite proud of him.  The Respect Jar is helping.  Today he got up and did his morning chores without me having to say a single word.  It was glorious.  I know it won't last - I'm painfully conscious of that - but it's something.  I'll take whatever I can get.  Still considering putting him back in school at semester.  We'll see how the next couple of weeks go.

I've put on 4.4 lbs. this week.  I'm going to spend the next three weeks taking it off, I'm sure.

I still haven't posted the 11th week of Homemade History.  I know.  I'll do it later today.  I've enjoyed slacking off.  Next week, however, the kids have requested (and I have decided) changes must be made in the way we do things.  The current methods are getting stale.  History will contain much the same, but the kids would like things to be more mysterious. So each Monday, rather than posting reading options, I'll be posting a question or mystery on the whiteboard.  We'll watch some videos on the topic, and then we'll spend later days in the week doing reading and geography and other stuff to 'solve' or 'answer' the question.  For science, they want to start with the lab and then spend the week figuring out why it did what it did rather than reading something and then seeing it demonstrated.  I can certainly appreciate where they're coming from.  It's much more fascinating to feel like you've conquered an idea, not been spoon-fed one.

For language arts, Boo has asked to stop doing formal spelling as well as Writing With Ease.  She and Doodlebug are both excellent spellers, so I've agreed.  She'll still do grammar, since she doesn't mind First Language Lessons and it takes her hardly any time at all, but for spelling and narration/dictation, I've agreed to pull vocab and narration/dictation selections from whatever books she's currently reading.  She's in the middle of Anne of Green Gables right now, so I'll go through the first few chapters of that book over the weekend and see what I can find.  She's gunning for 'amiable,' but something - her persistent insistence, perhaps? - tells me she's already memorized that one.  I think I'll find other options.

Finally, we're throwing out some electives.  They're electives, for godssake, not mandatory subjects, and it's time to weed out the ones they don't like.  This means that Doodlebug is giving up music theory.  I'm all right with that.  He likes music enough and hears enough of it between me and Boo that he'll still get a thorough grounding in music history and various genres and will probably still pick up theory by osmosis.  She's giving up music theory as part of school as well, but she and I will still play around with it during her violin practice from time to time.  The other elective we're tossing is geography.  The curriculum I found wound up being quite dry in practice, so I had been using it sporadically for a while, and now it's just gone.  I'm not entirely letting geography go by the wayside, since they'll still be doing some with history (and I found Mapping the World with Art that I think both of them will enjoy), but I'm letting up.  So they'll still have Spanish (finishing up with La Clase Divertida and moving over to Rosetta Stone), logic (various books from The Critical Thinking Company) and art (we attend a once-a-month class and do some projects in between, but I'm giving up a formal curriculum there, too) together.

It seems like a much more doable plan.  They're old enough and smart enough to know what they want.  It's time to let the little things go and realize I can't - and shouldn't try! - to teach it all.

Suddenly, Manual Labor!

Just when you find yourself wondering where on earth you can find manual labor for your child to do, The Awesome Husband will take that opportunity to dig, line, and otherwise build a fire pit, and there's plenty of manual labor for a child to do during that project!  Hauling logs, backfilling holes and hauling away extra sand, fetching tools and putting them away - all are jobs that will get morose, electronics-driven boys moving if there's a promise of fire at the end.

As for me, I got to sit down by the fire after it was built and warm my bare tootsies.

I am one happy mama.

Muddling Onward

I should be writing our Homemade History blog post for the week, but I'm not.  I'll try to get to it sometime in the next day or so.  We're taking this week off of school because of Doodlebug's birthday, and after we get back from the break I'm going to revamp the way we do things a little bit, at the kids' requests.  Doodlebug does not want to go to public school in January and has stated that in no uncertain terms, and for now, at least, he seems determined to work toward that goal.  For my part, I asked the kids what they liked and what they didn't about our school day, and I got some excellent feedback.  So while most of the history stuff will be the same, the way in which we implement it will be somewhat different.  Fingers crossed that it makes things more interesting for all of us; we all hate ruts.  I'll also be changing up the way we do science a little bit, and I'm totally overhauling Boo's language arts program.  It'll mean a bit more work for me, but if she's happier and I don't have the occasional meltdowns that I do right now, then it'll be worth it.  Doodlebug is desperately bored with his math curriculum (Math-U-See), but I've promised him if he can get through Zeta (he's on lesson 13), then for prealgebra we'll swap to the Art of Problem Solving books.  Other than that, he's 10.99 years old and thinks school is school, no matter what form it takes.

So that's school.

Boo has been much improved since we implemented the Respect Jar and Put-Up Plan.  I didn't figure it would take much to get her back to baseline.

Doodlebug is still fighting us every inch of the way, and I am in desperate need of a good counselor for both him and me.  He was up again last night.  At 4 a.m. when I got up to use the bathroom, I heard the toilet upstairs flush, too, and went up to check and make sure everyone was okay.  He was lying on his bed, wide awake.  He had swiped his sister's iPod Touch, logged in, and was watching - wait for it, I'm sure you'll be shocked - Minecraft videos.  One of the things on his birthday/Christmas list is an iOS device.  There's not a chance this side of Hades he'll get once, since he can't even be responsible with one that isn't his.  I'm trying to work with him, but it's like trying to corral the ocean; it's just going to do what it wants and to hell with the consequences for everyone else.  I know he's a good kid deep down, but I wish I saw that more often in daily life.  Where are all the manual labor jobs for kids when you need them?  It's actions like these that really make me wonder if he'll ever be able to live successfully on his own.

I'm not giving up.  I know I'm not a bad parent, despite the occasional feeling of being overwhelmed by the responsibility of raising this particular child.  But I'm still stuck.

Onward into the fray!

Striving for Serenity

The main rule in our house always has been and always will be The Golden Rule.  Every other rule we have branches from that.  When the kids are being rude to one another, the first question I always ask is, "Are you treating him/her the way you want to be treated?"  When someone is mean to me, I say, "Excuse me, but is there a reason you're being mean to me?"  I'm all for letting kids feel anger, don't get me wrong.  I just think that anger can be expressed in civil ways.  I have one child who is emotionally deficient (I think he's somewhere around 7 emotionally.  He still sees a lot of things in black/white that most 10.9-year-olds would see in various shades of gray and certainly can't handle emotions appropriately) and one child who is emotionally mature but who is still 8 and likes to pick on her brother now and then.

Naturally, this leads to name-calling and put-downs.  Boo's favorite put-down is 'stupid.'  If she doesn't like it/you, it/you will be 'stupid.'  Doodlebug is more inventive, but his favorite word is 'butt.'  As in, "Stop being a butt!"  There are definitely worse terms they could use - I've heard them use them - but I don't like it when they make other people feel bad, especially when it's their sibling.  SO... as of yesterday, we have implemented the Put-Up Plan.  I, too, will be participating, though it means something slightly different for Mama.  The idea is that if you put someone down or make them feel bad, you have to come back and say three nice things about them to make up for it.  Will it work?  Oh, I don't know.  It's as good idea as any I've ever had.  But they tried it.  They were starting to fight and Boo called Doodlebug stupid, and then she realized that she had to put him UP instead of DOWN.  After she got done telling him he was kind, creative, and funny, they both started giggling.  Fight averted.  Apparently Doodlebug then turned around and said three nice things about Boo just because he could.  So it's a good start.

This is my other attempt at regaining some sort of control over the downward spiral.  This is the Respect Jar.  It's nothing fancy... Pinterest isn't going to go nuts over this one.  But the idea is solid.  When someone does something respectful, you catch them at it by putting a poker chip in the jar.  Last night the first four poker chips went in - Boo stacked up Doodlebug's library books and took them to him rather than yelling at him to come get his books off the table; Doodlebug voluntarily wiped down the toilet seat AND FLUSHED; I didn't have to get up and separate the kids during shower time; and Doodlebug caught a wasp that was flying around Boo's room and took it outside for her.  Little things.  Poker chips.  My hope is that this will help with anger management (just like the Put-Up Plan) as well as some of the respect issues.

Will these be life-changing activities?  I doubt it.  Will they help the kids return to a calmer frame of mind?  I bloody hope so.

That *Something* That Had to Give... Finally Did

I hit my wall this week.  It's been coming for months, and I've been trying to crack down on the kids, but yesterday was *The Cherry on the top of the pile of pecans on top of the whipped cream on top of the icing on top of the triple-layer cake, and today when the kids tried to add **ONE MORE THING...

I snapped.

And promptly called Oz and informed him that the inmates are only running the asylum until December (and in between now and then I'm calling a counselor because I'm clearly not getting through and need help), at which point in time, if there's no massive, noticeable improvement, the boy will be enrolled in public school and the girl will be given the option to do the same.  I'm calling the local school administrators sometime in the next week to find out what the enrollment process would entail and see if we can get the ball rolling.

*The Cherry:
The kids have had a tremendous lack of respect for anything and anyone lately.  Both of them are equally guilty (and given my stress level, I must take responsibility for my own short temper and lack of patience, which has lead to some snarky, fairly disrespectful comments of my own, but at least I do respect their property and apologize when I do screw up).  Things really started on Monday, when yet again, Doodlebug felt that he didn't have to complete his school work in a timely manner.  On Tuesday he finished up Monday's work and brought Tuesday's work in the car to (theoretically) complete while Boo was at her violin lesson.  Boo brought my copy of Anne of Green Gables that she's been reading so that she would have something to do during swim team practice.

We got to swim (with all the gear, I might add), and Boo sauntered into the observation room and promptly tossed my book onto the floor.  Let me say it again:  She TOSSED my BOOK onto the FLOOR.  I freaked.  Not aloud, of course, but I instigated a discussion about respecting other people's property, and she apologized for mistreating my book.  I've had that book since 1991.  It was a birthday gift.  I have no intentions of letting her destroy it.  Anywho, she apologized; we moved on.

Now, in between swim team practice and the violin lesson, we have an hour to kill.  It takes Doodlebug about 15 minutes to get dressed and it takes us another 15-20 to get across town, but that still gives us time to spare.  There's a park just down the street from the teacher's house, so I park there and the kids either run or not, depending on their whims and caprices.  This week nobody wanted to get out of the car.  So we sat.  Doodlebug worked.  Boo stared out the window for a while.  Or, at least, I thought she was staring out the window.  Until suddenly Doodlebug yelled, "Boo, don't draw on the seat!!"

W.T.H.

I whipped around from where I was reading a book on raising adolescents (excellent book, by the way) and watched Boo try to hide a pencil in her fist.

"What were you doing?!?"

"Um... "

"Yeah, don't even try.  What were you doing?"

"*sigh* I was drawing on the seat."

"Of our new car?" [Captain Obvious at work here.]

"Um... yes."

"WHY?"

"I was bored."

*earsteam*

She surrendered the pencil without comment, and I told her that she would be wiping down her seat and vacuuming out the car when we made it home.  She agreed that the consequence of her actions seemed fair.  We discussed, yet again, respecting other people's property.  She agreed that her actions were not respectful.

We get home.  She vacuums out the car and wipes down her seat, and Doodlebug comes inside and tosses his swim gear onto the couch.  I call him back to put it away, and he starts his prepubescent downward spiral.  He continues in that vein through dinner.  After dinner, Oz and I remind him that he needs to take his shower while his sister feeds the animals so that we can get through the bedtime routine in a timely manner.  He doesn't.  She feeds the animals and goes upstairs to take her shower, and the nightly fighting starts.  Usually I take care of it, but last night Oz stepped in.  Good man.  The boy, however, wasn't having it and promptly slammed two doors in his rage.  He had slammed several doors earlier this week, and I had warned him that any repetition of the crime would result in the removal of his bedroom door.

So Oz removed the boy's bedroom door and stuck it in the attic.  Boo finished her shower, and Oz told Doodlebug he needed to go take his turn.

"Yes," Doodlebug shot back. "I do." Whereupon he perched on his bed and stared defiantly at Oz.

Oz, to his credit, walked away.  We left the boy to his own devices for a while, because at that point I was ready for him to stay in his room till Doomsday if he so chose.  All was quiet.  I started reading our nightly chapter to Boo, because if the boy couldn't manage to take care of business, the natural consequence was that he missed what normally happened after the shower routine.  He eventually came down and asked if there was any way to get his door back that night (um... NO) and then went and showered.  I went up to tuck him into bed and say good night, and the door was back in his room.

"Look," the boy said proudly, pointing to the door. "I got my door back."

He put his door back in the attic, too.  And Mama came downstairs and drank half a bottle of strawberry wine and ate an entire bar of chocolate.  Therapy, man, therapy.

---

**ONE MORE THING:
Doodlebug got up in the middle of the night last night and got onto the XBox.  For hours.  Playing one of his sister's games that he pilfered without permission.  I can't do this again.  I simply can't.  I realized that with extreme clarity today, because as soon as I discovered that sneaking electronics had started again, I felt something break inside me.  Mommy is Broken.  See the first three paragraphs of this saga masquerading as a blog post.

---

To combat the lack of respect, we've started two new systems, the Respect Jar and the Put-Up Plan.  I'll outline those tomorrow.  So far so good.

---

Oz and I have been debating the usefulness of homeschooling for a while now.  When we first brought Doodlebug home, homeschooling was clearly the right choice.  No ifs, ands, or buts.  Now, however, it's more of a 50/50 situation.  Yes, he's learning, and yes, he likes it here, but he's slacking off and taking things for granted and we just aren't sure whether it's good for him to stay here or whether he would be better off being held accountable to other people.

We shall see.  Right now, I'm going to drink my beer and try to unwind.  Lor' Have Mercy, what a week.