Wednesday, September 1, 2010


I've gone into voluntary hibernation. I'd prefer that it came with the fringe benefits of nobody poking the mama bear for five months or, better yet, that I lost all my excess body fat and came out on the other end as svelte as I was 10 years ago but without the horrid acne and skinny awkwardness and borderline anorexia. Alas, I am not that lucky. I just needed a break from humanity. No reason. Not even particularly stressed out. Just needed a breather. Ever feel like earth is shrinking every day? I do, and I was getting a tad claustrophobic.

I'm still keeping in touch with my closest friends, of course. Besides anything else, if I disappeared off the face of the earth and none of them had spoken to me in the last 48 hours, they might organize a rescue party. I know they're capable of it. People who know my address have power.

However, yes, my world is shrinking. I got quite a shock when I went into M2's school the other day to turn in the fundraiser money for their annual drive. The PTA-equivalent runs the fundraising, and the woman who took my check looked at me and said, "So I talked to your dad and stepmom last night."

Um... MINE??

My first thought was that she had been into my dad's pawn shop and somehow managed to learn that he had a granddaughter that attended the same school as her munchkins, but her next words were, "Yeah, they left a note in my mailbox."

I just *love* cryptic comments. Please, make me beg for information, because I so very much have time to stand here and drag it out of you. It's another reason I'm not a big fan of talking on the phone. I can be as mundane and pointless and boring as the next person when I'm on IM, but the phone is a different beast to me. When it comes to actually open my fat mouth and speaking words, there's usually a purpose, and I get straight to it. It's not pretty, but it's functional.

Anyway, apparently this woman just bought the giant house that's at the end of my dad's dead-end street in an even-more-rural-than-I-am area. It'd been for sale for a while, and Oz and I would drive out to dad's and joke we should make an offer because by this point, maybe we could afford it. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. My stepmom either mailed or delivered a nice 'Welcome to the Neighborhood' note to their house. Grandparents' Day is coming up, and the Home & School Association (this is the name of the PTA equivalent) does a little thing for grandparents, and they send out invitations. This woman was filling out invitations and looked at the address and went, "Hey, wait a second..." Then she called up my stepmom and asked who went to the school with her kids because, by gosh and by golly, the school may be small, but my world is smaller. Things are colliding.

Stop me from making more Seinfeld references here, please. Apparently I'm all about Costanza family statements this week.



I don't think that little scenario was enough to send me into hibernation, so it must be a culmination of everything. I'll emerge in a few days, as happy and cheerful and psychotic as before, and begin to catch up on everything I've missed.

On the other hand, not having Facebook e-mails filling up my inbox every day has been quite refreshing. Maybe I'll just become a lurker. Nobody will notice THAT, right?

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